age

Have you guys ever thought about old people? They come from a different time and can teach us all sorts of things. Then, they start taking money out of our paychecks. . . .

Age does a lot of different things to people, but the main agreed-upon way in which it is shown is crankiness and fear of technology. But there is no question that "back then" was, indeed, a "simpler time." For one thing, many people had no legitimate reason to hate other people, but they still did. And they could do it simply because they wanted to. Now that's simple!

I think the one major thing, however, of the olden days that should be brought back is the allowing of punishment. In the past, when a child was misbehaving, some adult would step up and let the child know that what it was doing was neither warranted nor welcome. The adult would do this, regardless of whether or not the child was their own (I mean, was related to them; if they literally owned the child, by means of some sort of a monetary, goods or work exchange, it's kind of a different story). And the question, naturally is, "Why?"

FOR THE BETTERMENT OF SOCIETY!

That's right, because old people looked at how society could be made better in a way very different from how people today look at it. Children have always been looked at as the future (even though, with the elderly, it was often viewed this way in a resistant manner); now, many of the adults of today (for simplicities sake, we shall refer to them henceforth as "spineless yuppies") view this "children=future" equation with fear. They believe that their children will come back to get them if they are not weak and push-overs to their children. Spineless yuppies want nothing more than for their children to be flaccid, whiny underachievers who have never worked for things in their life. And the scary part about this is that they are largely succeeding. What they have failed to see, however, is that their children will come back to get them anyway, because they have not learned the basic purposes of life, and basically have not developed desirable qualities as humans.

Old people, on the other hand, tried often to raise their children to respect others and to contribute to society (and by this I mean actually help society through voting and being responsible, not by trying sell paintings on the street in San Francisco). Each child is different, but a good impact via hand generally does the trick in helping a child learn. This system has worked for so long, but for some reason it began changing within the last fifty years (I am ball-parking it. I don't know exactly when it changed, nor do I know why it changed. No research was done for this, beyond what I have observed.), and not for the better, jack!

If you aren't fired up about hitting children at this point in the blog, there's nothing that can be done for you. Obviously there are some exceptions to the rule; occasionally children grow up perfectly normal and well-adjusted and responsible and respectful DESPITE being shown no punishment as a child. But the fact of the matter is, the rest of the children who weren't taught by a wooden spoon against the upper thigh basically amount to a big ol' failure-pile.

Back to old people: here is a list of things that I think make today a better time to live in for old people (note: at this point, I have only one item in mind, so the list may turn out much worse than I originally intended. Or much better!)

A) These days, old people can tell neighborhood children not to play on their property and justify it because "my insurance doesn't cover one of your idiot kids getting hurt in my cinderblock garden." In the past, old people couldn't soften the blow; they just had to say, "don't play on my property because I'm old and my senility may cause me to discharge my firearms at your idiot offspring."

2) Laws today help keep old people driving automobiles despite the fact that they no longer have the reflexes or cognition to do so. Also, if an old person commits some awful traffic crime, they can get off without any real trouble. In the past, when an old person ran over a pedestrian and dragged him or her all the way into their driveway by means of a foot wedged in the bumper, they could face criminal charges and would certainly not drive again. Not anymore.

iii) On average (according to no real reports but rather my own imagination), the elderly have about twice as much time to complain and be crotchety as they used to, due largely to longer life expectancy. Think about it, if you could be basically guaranteed an extra seven years during which all you had to do was sit on your porch and talk about the failings of those around you . . . well, that would just be fantastic.

Four) Today, the government pays old people; do you know what the major qualifying stipulation of receiving social security is? NOT HAVING YET DIED! "Congratulations on another year, how would you like ten percent of a working person's pay check?" "Don't mind if I do!"

But seriously, everybody, let's relish the elderly. They have much to teach us (just like the [legal] aliens) and too often we put them in the back of our minds and take them for granted. And embrace getting old, as not everyone is given that privilege.

Wow, you guys. Kind of a somber note there at the end, right? This has been Ben, just reminding you all: beat your children!

"Dah dah daaah-dah dah dah daaah-da da da da da dadadada da. . . ."

-Carmen: Récit & Habanera: Quand Je Vous Aimerai?...L'amour Est un Oiseau Rebelle, a song often heard in movies and will stick in one's head; it's quite catchy. And it's opera. Oooh, sophisticated!