Here's something I have noticed (entirely unrelated to March Madness), and I would like you to play this scenario in your head:
a family has just ordered (do you use "ordered" or "hired" in this case?) a maid. (The family is clearly wealthy, and, let's be honest, probably caucasian. I don't like to pander to stereotypes, but the majority of wealthy people in the world are white [according to a census I just imagined], and white people loathe chores and housework in general.)
Is that image in your head, like a slowly running british movie with too much acting and too little storyline? If the answer is yes, skip the next sentence and continue reading. If your answer is no (people who answered yes, please stop reading this sentence!), reread the previous paragraph, but skip the parts that were parenthetical. Those are for our advanced readers, anyways. So, now that the original Yes people and the original No people have joined us, please imagine this next part: the woman of the wealthy family (because she was not always rich and feels slight guilt about making someone else do the tasks which are hers, as a woman [again, I don't like to pander to stereotypes, but vacuuming? Come on!]) cleans the house before the maid gets there. Now, if that story had been told in a more streamlined, understandable way, we would probably scoff and give a guffaw, that someone would clean a house which they have paid someone else to clean. Now, I don't think that maids are in the business of judging a family based on the cleanliness of a house (unless it's truly awful). However, I've noticed that people about to visit the dentist, whom they have paid to clean their teeth, tend to go through a sincere teeth cleaning process at home, and do you know why we do that? Because we all fear that the dentist will look at us and say, very condescendingly, "Have you been flossing?" We all know the answer to that is no, but we think that by flossing our teeth the morning of the dental appointment, we will be able to fool this guy. A word of advice: just because dentists aren't real doctors doesn't mean that they can't tell you've only flossed once since the last time you saw them. So here is my final point about dentists and maids: if maids went to maid school for as long as dentists go to dental school, then they could say, condescendingly, "Have you been dusting the credenza?"
At this point, I think that it is worth pointing out that the above topic made a whole lot of sense in my head. Now, as a rule, I haven't reread what I have written (I am afraid that I will second guess myself, delete it all and end up writing about celebrity gossip), so I don't know if it has any sort of flow. If you enjoyed it, leave a comment and tell somebody else how fantastic it was. If you hated it or didn't understand it, leave a comment and tell others it will get better and that it has huge potential.
Have you guys noticed (I think the answer will be no) that in Enterprise Rental commercials ("We'll pick you up"), the suited Enterprise employee always shows up alone? Since he brought the car, how does he get back to work? Or does he just hang out with you the whole time? Shouldn't Enterprise use the buddy system? It works for swimming and field trips. That's as close to a sure thing as you can get.
Speaking of swimming, at work I saw a product whose description I was shocked to read. It was a kickboard, a styrofoam board used for people who don't know how to swim and old people. However, the kickboard was marketed as a "Competition Kickboard." Are there competitions which involve kickboards? That's pretty weak, like a running race that has moving sidewalks you can use or a bicycle race where the bikes have cruise control.
At the conclusion of this blog, I would like to apologize to dentists everywhere for suggesting that they are not as good as other people who attended medical school. Dentists, you're just as relevant and authentic as other doctors. Good job.
". . . I'm dressed so fresh, so clean. . . ."
-Andre Benjamin, perpetuator of one of Hollywood's finest afros and an individual who likes shaking (epileptic?) women.
Oh my, your mind works in mysterious ways. I love it! But you make me tired, with all the leaps and bounds...
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