Olympian in quality!

Can you believe it? I am sitting outside right now, writing a post. I'm just like Thoreau (Henry David), except my writing has much less of a dirty hippy slant. However, I am overlooking a pond (albeit only by standing on my tippy-toes [tamob first use of "tippy-toes!"], and the pond is really just runoff water from rains past, and to call the viewing of it "transcendental" is practically illegal in the grossness of its falsity) and feeling like the wilderness is not that far away really.

On to more dire topics: what's the winter olympics about, eh? That stuff is UNWATCHABLE. I can see that the things these athletes are perpetrating are incredible, but I cannot stand to watch it. How many downhill runs do you have to watch before you realize they are all doing the exact same thing? Honestly, the only reason people watch these events is to see whether or not someone will fall. I am one of these people, as ashamed as I am to admit it; however, I take no delight in the crashing of one of these people. I don't enjoy it at all, especially when you consider how long someone trains for these events. Heartbreaking, really.

I have a theory on crashing however: the likelihood in any given event of a crash or mishap of some sort is directly related to the likelihood of someone to initially watch event, as evidenced by a graph I can see in my head but have neither the patience nor the wherewithal to make on a computer. Sorry, curling, but we are unlikely to see a heartbreaking mishap in your sport. As such, the only way we see your sport is by accidentally not changing the channel immediately after a sport with perilous implications ends. Which is unfortunate, because curling has the propensity to be pretty cool. Alas, most of us will never know. I mean, just think how disappointed you would be if you won tickets to an olympic event, only to find out that the event to which you had won tickets was actually curling. Shock and despair, friends, shock and despair.

Also, the winter olympics gives the horrible beast that is Mary Carillo another chance to rear its ugly head. I cannot handle this wo(?)man! She is just awful. Last night she did a segment about the RCMP (Royal Canadian Mounted Police, not to be confused with the RHCP [Red Hot Chili Peppers] or the even less known RCMB [Red Canterbury Munchkin Band]). It was both unenjoyable and highly condescending at the same time, proving that both women and beasts have the capacity for multi-tasking.

What do you guys think about the winter olympics? While watching them I sometimes wish that there were a rule that stated that for one day of competition, each event should have to wear the same outfits as their country's ice dancing troupe. Agree, disagree? Thoughts?

Regardless, having written whilst outside, and in light of the magnificent text I have just made a reality, I feel the only things that really separate me from being a truly famous writer are the lack of the following items:

pipe of mahogany

five days growth of stubble

non-combatted alcohol problem

fear of abandonment

Thanks for tuning in, and if you didn't tune in, thanks for nothing.

"Pardon me, I just have a slight frog in my throat."

-(Possibly never actually said by) Alexander Hamilton, tract writing brit-disliker who died in a duel, one of the confirmed coolest things to be a part of, but actually a pretty weak thing to lose.