the post that nearly took shape, part 2

Ah, a continuation from yesterday. What a delight (you must be saying to yourself).

Yesterday's post was focused on the importance of making travel and thereby the culturing of one's self a priority in life. Today's post is (I think) just as important (though I admittedly have a poor grasp on what other people find important): how not to be a dirtbag whilst traveling!

That's right, folk(s[until my readership breaks one person, I won't know whether to use the plural forms or not]), today you have the unique opportunity to not be a piece of trash while traveling and representing a larger group of people.

Quick question: Which group of people (by nationality) are the least likable travelers?

The answer, of course, is . . . French people! That's right, according to a study by Time.com (http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1820358,00.html?xid=feed-yahoo-full-world), French tourists have been rated the rudest tourists IN THE GALAXY (given our current knowledge about the existence of life on other planets, this actually fits)!

Now, before you begin dancing in the streets and singing "Our Country Tis Of Thee," keep in mind that a close second to French people are Americans (frowny face emoticon would be entered here, were emoticons in and of themselves not a sadistic tool used to keep young people uneducated).

This is rightfully troubling. But here is one thing in which you can make a difference (unlike voting or protests or providing aid to people)! That's right, you have the power, when you travel, to not behave like a depraved nincompoopish git, and by not behaving in that manner, actually changing public perspective about Americans!

Here is a list of some things that American tourists do and subtle tips that should be taken account on your next Alpine holiday or stumble along the Spanish Riviera:

1. "When I'm on vacation, I like to yell and be generally loud. It helps ensure that people will notice my presence and perhaps will inspire them to think about how much better I am than they." Tip: Stop yelling so dang much. It's incredibly obnoxious and a dead giveaway that you belong in the cabin in which you were born, rather than experiencing the beauties the world has to offer.

2. "I speak only English and I find it fitting that everyone else should as well. As such, I will make no attempt to understand others, and will use volume and slowness of speech to ensure that they understand me." Tip: TRY the local language. Even if you don't nail the pronunciation, locals will appreciate that you would rather sound like you don't know the language than to hear you scream "Sandwich" at them.

3. "I grip my handbag/travel suitcase even tighter and glare when someone different than me walks by. That way they know that I know that they are trying to perpetrate crimes against me, as is their fashion." Tip: While you should watch after your possessions, not everybody is a thief/criminal. Sometimes people even like to not be treated as a thief/criminal. Be decent to people.

4. "Things here are not exactly as they are at home, the waiter does not know what my 'usual' order is and the food is prepared differently! Because of this array of discrepancies, it is my duty as a human being to complain loudly, letting every patron within the given establishment that I am not satisfied." Tip: Things outside the U.S.A. are different than the things inside the U.S.A. That's part of the joy of traveling. New experiences.

Those were just several tips for people that travel. By avoiding these traditional American pitfalls, you can create new American generalizations; by being a good traveler, you pave the way for more American travelers, and we will be able to get rid of the stereotype that Americans are rude, whiny visitors. Who knows, we may achieve world peace yet. . . .

So, with that in mind, along with yesterday's post, get out there and see the world. Leave your mark on it, in a good way.

Note from the Editor

Wow, what an uplifting and inspiring post today's was. What a rarity to have such a cheery message. For fans who were put off by this, don't worry; it is a phase that is unlikely to last. Keep your heads up (or down, if you happen to be in a war zone).

"Everybody look at me, because I'm sailing on a boat."

-Andy Samberg, singing and acting Jewish person.