With nothing better to do

Bulldozers are cool. We can all agree on that; however, do they really merit an hour-long show on natgeo (it used to be National Geographic, but evidently natgeo is more hip)? However, just when I was thinking that this show was boring, they decided to drive a Komatsu over a pickup truck. Nice.

How have you all been? I have not written anything for a good long time, and it is possible that most of you do not even remember who I am or why you would have read my blather in the past, but let's get this post on the road before all the goodwill is used up.

Squirrels: it is well understood among literate individuals that by using the word "snake" or "serpent" in the Bible, Moses likely meant the more correct translation of "squirrel" when describing Lucifer's actions in the fall of man. You would think that by this point in history, the squirrel population would have been entirely eliminated, but this is not the case. An example of twisted squirrel evil: whilst camping, a grey squirrel stole a biscuit and left a fecal nugget in what can only be interpreted as some sort of deviant tooth-fairy-esque act. If there was ever a declaration of war, this would be it.

Mosquito hawks? My opinion? First, thank's for asking; second, it is key to my argument that you understand that these insects do not actually eat mosquitos. They do not kill mosquitos. They do not even drive past mosquitos houses real slow late at night and give the stink eye. Therefore, I say this: they have been living falsely through their reputations as mercenary mosquito life-bandits for far too long. Retribution should be swift. Remember when you were a child and, having already run out of large, furry animals to persecute, turned your innocent, child-like rage to insects and your mom stopped you moments before you superman-punched a mosquito eater out of the atmosphere by saying, "Don't do that; that's a good bug. It eats mosquitos." Do you remember how you regarded that bug for the next bunch of years? You probably looked at it and said to yourself, "Oh to serve such a purpose as this insect does!" I bet you feel foolish now. And so did I when I learned nature's dirty little secret about the mosquito hawk.

Whew! Information overload, right? This post is like the straight to vhs version of if a Snapple lid and the entire catalogue of ranger rick animal magazines had a love child, but the child was fathered by Walker, Texas Ranger (the character, not the actor who played him), and had Stever Irwin's daughter and the security guard from the Kaplan College commercials as godparents.

That's ridiculous.

"Sink me, your tailors have betrayed you."

-Sir Percy, from the untouchable classic, The Scarlet Pimpernel. Any movie in which the French get bashed is okay by me.